Is It Ever Okay To Be a Dance Mom?
SHE SAID WHAT?!
Posted By Alyssa Benefit
The “Dance Mom” reality revolution has begun thanks to the show on TLC. However, mine began some 23 years ago and the two scenarios are not all that different.
My mother has always been my number one fan, and I could not be more thankful for that. And, I must say, she was mild compared to some of my friends’ mothers. However, it is easy for me to classify her as a “Dance Mom” because…well…she was. She would never think of walking in to my third grade class and telling my teacher how to teach me math. Nor would she question how I was figuring out the latest algebra problem in high school. But, when it came to my placement in a competition dance, or how my costume made my body look, or even how my dance teacher was speaking to me, my mom was all over it like white on rice!
The dance world is extremely competitive and not all that different from how it is portrayed on the reality show. My sister and I danced 5 days a week for numerous hours per day. I LOVED to dance and was good at it, but never good enough to make it a career. I knew this and still enjoyed it as my only after-school activity. My mother, on the other hand, was very wrapped up in the “world” and always wanted me to strive to be the best of the best, as any mother should. However, when she spoke to the teachers about how I was feeling about a certain costume, or complained to the studio director when I went home crying, I would cringe. I never needed my mom to fight my battles in life, and for everything else, she wouldn’t. For some reason, the competitive world of dance made things different.
I don’t agree with the whole idea of a “dance mom” and have promised myself that when my children get older I won’t do that with sports or dance. I understand that parents want the best for their kids, but I also believe that kids need to be able to express themselves when something is wrong or be able to speak to their parents in confidence about how they are feeling without the fear of a parent/teacher conference coming out of it.
SHE SAID WHAT?!
Posted By Jean Lemenager
In my defense of being a so-called “Dance Mom,” I have to say that it might have come across that way to some but I saw it as protecting my kids. No one wants to see their children hurt in any capacity.
I always told my girls to pick one after-school activity and go for it. When dance became a way of life for them, that’s when I decided I would become their biggest advocate. Yes, there were plenty of tears and nerves, and that’s when the dance mom or just the mom in me came out—especially when I was told “well, we know who the natural is in your family.” It’s funny, but who wants to hear anything like that when you’re dishing out thousands of dollars a year just so your children can have fun?
When I watch the “Dance Moms” show on TV, I think, “Wow, what people will do to get thier children ahead.” But when I look at those kids, they just don’t seem happy at all. I hope and pray that’s not the case because dancing is such a great way to express yourself and really just let loose. Believe me, moms. You know you’re becoming a dance mom when you start choreographing for your own kids. Now that’s a scary thing. I didn’t get to that point. I did leave that up to the teachers—with a few comments from the side lines! Well, after all, those are my kids you’re teaching!
Call me a dance mom or soccer mom or any athlete’s mom. In the end, it’s what we mothers do for our children. Don’t ever tell us not to interfere, we so will!
5 Responses to “Is It Ever Okay To Be a Dance Mom?”
Oh man, do I relate to this. Look, my mom wasn’t nearly as bad as some of the mothers I saw growing up. But she still did the dance mom thing from time to time. I can see how it would be easy to get wrapped up in the world, especially if your child takes it seriously enough to do it 5 days a week, several hours a day. I empathize with both sides, but in the end, I have to side with Alyssa because I know exactly how it feels. You want your parents in your corner supporting you, but you don’t want them forcing their hand. Ultimately, whatever “victory” you get from a pushy mom doesn’t feel much like a victory. It feels even worse because you feel like you didn’t earn it.
Oh, and Auntie Jean! I get it. I sooooo get it. I can’t sit here and say I will “never” act this way, because I find it’s easy to judge until you step into someone else’s shoes. So as much as I want to promise, if I have a child in dance, that I will not step in and interfere, the reality is I have no idea how I’ll act until I’m in that situation. So no judgment!
Having recieved phone calls from parents of students on a college dance team when I was coaching, I feel very strongly that you need to let children fight their own battles, lest you end up with adults who still rely on their mommies to make everything better.
I think there is a happy medium. My daughter is into swimming. If she came home crying because her teacher got upset with her on not doing the stroke correct, you better believe I will be talking to the teacher. And not telling her how to teach, but maybe to give her an idea of how my daughter was feeling. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe the teacher will realize she shouldn’t address my daughter in that way… as all children learn differently. And yes, no one is allowed to make my daughter cry, but me. That is my god given right as a mom!
But yes…. the moms in that “Dance Mom’s” show are crazy! I hope to god I never go that extreme.
it is animal instinct. we are animals. especially ke$ha. i vote for jean.
Welcome Jean! Having a daughter in the early stages of her dance “career” (she’s 5), I haven’t experienced that yet. I hope I never get to the point of being a parent who lives vicariously through their kids or honestly thinks their kid is THE BEST dancer/athlete/spelling bee contestant and can’t accept the reality that this isn’t the case. To me, that’s what the stereotypical Dance Mom is like.
There’s a difference between standing up for your young child when they’re mistreated and speaking to the dance instructor/coach/artistic director about why your kid didn’t get the part or isn’t in the show. Kids do need to learn disappointment and learn how to take losing with grace. I’m not the most athletic or artistically talented, so I know what it’s like to cry when you didn’t make the first cut for softball tryouts or find that your sister made the play but you didn’t or didn’t make cheer squad but your bff did. It sucks, but that’s reality. If parents (i.e. Dance Moms) aren’t allowing their kids that level of disappointment, they’re doing them a disservice. Like I said, first hand experience taught me that and it also taught me to value when I did get called back for an audition and/or got a speaking part. I worked hard to do my best because I didn’t take it for granted.
Now, what I’ve learned is that there is some special treatment for kids with involved parents, which sucks. If you can’t be driving the squad around or can’t be in the boosters, the horrible politics of Dance Moms (or whichever extracurricular activity) can affect your kids. I guess in this case, you have to fake it.
Although I don’t want to be classified as a Dance mom ever, I’d rather not be classified as the jerk parent who always tells their kid what they’re doing wrong. In that case as obnoxious as Dance moms can be, Dance Mom > Jerk Parent who tells their kid they suck at softball.