To Vasectomy or Not to Vasectomy

SHE SAID WHAT?!
Posted By Gaby

After having our second child, Eric and I have been contemplating the possibility of a third, but it usually goes back to the reality that three kids might not be the best for our family. With our busy schedules, jobs, and our town’s cost of living, having only two kids is something we’re happy with and feel we can manage.

Obviously, in order to ensure we have only two kids, we have to consider effective birth control methods. As many of us learned in high school, abstinence is the only method of birth control that is 100% effective, but really, who’s going to abstain if they don’t have to? That means there are only two methods of birth control that don’t require chemicals or foreign objects in our “bathing suit areas:” either Eric gets a vasectomy or I have my tubes tied.

You’re probably thinking that we’re going to extremes, especially when things like IUDs and the pill are not only available and effective, but also allow for us to change our mind about having only two kids. But I don’t think so. Please brace yourselves while you read the rest of this post, as we’re venturing into TMI territory.

For many years, the responsibility of birth control has been borne by women, which is pretty sexist, if you ask me. Not only do I have to carry the baby for nine months, nurse it for another nine (or more), deal with the physical and emotional recovery of childbirth, and put my career on hold, but I also have to take a pill or tie my tubes when I want it to be over? Please realize that I don’t believe women shouldn’t take responsibility for their bodies or be in charge of their own birth control methods. I’m specifically speaking to being in a relatively equal, monogamous relationship with the father of my children in which I’m not experiencing any physical and sexual abuse or risk of. In other words, I’m talking about my situation.

I fully support a woman’s right to her body and to her choice of birth control, and if I was a single lady, I’d be carrying condoms in my purse and taking the pill. But that’s not my situation at the moment and I don’t want to take the pill, damnit!

So here’s the deal. When Eric and I discuss a vasectomy, he usually argues against it. I think it has to do with this preconceived notion that it somehow strips one of his manhood. Okay, maybe you’re shooting blanks, but how about some support here? Why should I have to fill my body with chemicals when a more effective, essentially reversible set-up is available? With the pill come risks and it’s not 100% effective if, for example, you are on antibiotics or if you don’t take it at the same time every day. Not to mention, the pill’s hormones turn me into a raging lunatic. “You mean you can get worse?!” Yes, yes I can, and you don’t want to see it.

The other and most likely approach I’d consider is the IUD. The IUD is a little T-shaped piece of plastic that gets inserted into a woman’s cervix. There are two forms of the IUD, one that secretes hormones and one that contains copper. Both work their magic and are effective birth control methods, but the idea that I have to have something jammed “up there” does make me uncomfortable. Not to mention that there are risks, like it puncturing your uterus, it coming out, or it causing ovarian cysts. No me gusta.

Of course, we can go old-school and either stick with the tried and true condom or go the route of “We’ll take what God brings us”. Well, those are all fine and good, but I’m not one of those women (TMI COMING) who’s blessed with having “Aunt Flow” (I hate that bitch) visit me at the same time each month. The non-chemical methods freak me out, because what if there was a breakage? Then I stress, which delays Flow’s visit, only stressing me out more. What for? So Eric doesn’t shoot blanks?

The reality is that with two c-sections, I’m not really able to go beyond a third without major risks to my health and our potentially unborn child. If I can be honest, us not wanting go beyond two kids is tremendously impacted by my fear of uterine rupture or death. Yes, I’m aware I can die at any point at any time and leave my kids, but I feel that I have more control of whether or not I have more kids than I do of an illness or a plane crashing into my house. So yes, if Eric chooses not to get a vasectomy, am I just going to lie there, and not do anything about it? No, I’ll get the IUD or take the pill or whatever. I would just hope he’d consider what I’ve gone through for us to have kids and take one for the team.


HE SAID WHAT?!
Posted By Eric 

We are talking about my manhood here! I can honestly say that I have backed off a lot on my stance about not snipping my junk. At first I was just being a typical man thinking that if my wife gets pregnant, that is her problem. I figured it is her responsibility to either tie her tubes or use birth control. I could wear a condom, I guess, but I would rather not.

Then I realized that if Gaby does get pregnant, I am the one that has to deal with the raging hormones (on top of Gaby’s normal rages), child expenses, and lack of time for my hobbies. I also recently became aware that if Gaby had another C-section, she might be in danger medically due to scar tissue. Being a medically scared freak I would never want to put her in that kind of danger. So maybe me getting snipped really is an option.

Medically, it makes sense. A big part of me still says, “but that’s my manhood!” Maybe it is a defense mechanism. What if later we have marital problems? Gaby could move on and continue with her new family. While now I as a man am left without any ammo. (Though I do understand that if women tie their tubes, they are left in the same situation.)

I also want to make a case for women about why men shouldn’t get vasectomies. If you have husband and he’s had a vasectomy, he now has much more access to cheat. Why? Well, for starters he cannot get any women pregnant. Therefore, his chances of getting caught are much lower. I am not saying all men will cheat, but studies show 50% of married men cheat. Only 26% of married women cheat, so play the percentages ladies!

My last case for not getting a vasectomy comes from a family member. He had two children with his ex-wife and then got a vasectomy. After his first marriage failed, he married my cousin. And what happened? He got her pregnant twice within two years—this was almost eight years after his last child with his ex-wife! I read up on WebMd that apparently 1 in 100 vasectomies fail. I just have a feeling that if they tested vasectomies on only people of Mexican descent, the rates of failure would be much higher. Because if Mexicans can do something well, it is getting women pregnant.

This is definitely a tough debate and even I’m not sure where I stand on this anymore. I feel a little less strongly about not getting a vasectomy as I did before, but I’m still not ready to go get snipped tomorrow. I say, get it on and worry about it in the morning. =)


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16 Responses to “To Vasectomy or Not to Vasectomy”

  1. wtg22

    Well, Eric, I’ve got to side with Gaby on this. Having been on the pill and been pregnant and given birth and nursed and then been on an IUD, I’ve got to say that once Alex and I decide to close up shop, I’d really like him to consider getting snipped as well. Women unfairly bear the biological burden from the time they first become sexually active until the time they decide that they are done having children (or decide that they don’t want any children at all).

    Our options are kind of shitty compared to yours. We can either take a pill daily that messes with our hormones, often making us gain weight, giving us skin problems and migraines, not to mention really messing with our moods. Or, we can do the IUD thing, which for me was not super successful because I basically was (TMI time) on my period more than I wasn’t. Or we can undergo fairly invasive surgery to tie our tubes. When I read up on vasectomies, I see that it doesn’t affect erections or orgasms, so it’s not supposed to interfere with the quality of your sex life. So what’s the problem? What if you had to take a pill every day that made you crazy or made you bleed more than you should or gave you a migraine every month or made you gain weight? Would you do it? Well, that’s what we’ve already been doing for the last however many years. So….your turn!

    Reply
  2. Amanda

    As they say if you want to be protected you BOTH need to use protection. Both get snipped. Only if you guys are 100% ready to not have anymore kids. My dr. Asked us a few questions like what are your reasons for not wanting anymore kids. We said money and 3 was plenty for us. So she said what if you won the lotto tomorrow? Would you feel different then? I said hell no!

    Reply
    • Gaby

      Lol! I definitely agree with you Amanda and have told Eric that if we do have a third, that I’d definitely tell our doctor to close up shop immediately after delivery. I think we both toy with the idea of 3, but I still think that if we get to a point that 2 is truly enough (or we’re just too old), then it’s easier for Eric to get the procedure than it is for me.

      Thanks for posting. We missed you!

      Reply
      • Amanda

        I still get my votes in ;) . I’m hardly on my laptop so I don’t comment as much cause I hate commenting when I’m on my phone. Plus the little one isn’t sleeping nearly as much.

        Reply
  3. alex

    Personally, I have no problem with a vasectomy but there are a few things a lot of people don’t tell you about them. You don’t just go in to get the procedure and call it a day. I read up on them and you actually have to get tested a few times afterward in order for the Dr. to determine if the procedure took or not. I personally don’t have a problem getting it done but I don’t expect everyone else to be. Same goes with women and having their tubes tied.

    Reply
    • Gaby

      Well, all methods have their complications, if we want to go there. Taking a pill isn’t just taking a pill. In the grand scheme of everything, 3-5 visits to the doctor isn’t as bad as 15+ years of a Pill, in my opinion.

      Reply
      • alex

        You misunderstand me, I was mostly speaking to Eric’s “well a vasectomy doesn’t always work” argument. I was talking about how they test you afterward to make sure it did work and if it didn’t, they go in again.

        Reply
  4. echavez

    i need some clarity. I hear the pill makes you gain weight, so how many calories does it have? ;)

    and are your issues really with us or evolution? it is not like men woke up one day and all decided women need to give birth to children.

    When life hands you lemons, make lemonade (lemonade is really babies tho)

    Reply
  5. Bodega System

    Thanks for the wonderful article it has really helped me. Two things I like about the post, one it is straight forward and two it does not attempt to promote anyone’s position particularly. Another good post wtg22.

    Reply

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